In the search of myself: Forest Research and Community

In FRIM, everyone is telling you that publishing a paper is very necessary to build your career path and to survive in FRIM. Sometimes, it is as though the more paper you publish, the more successful you are. Or the more high impact research you do, the more you helped society. But sometimes we got diverted, because that is not the true whole story. Scientist should not be focusing on what I can do, but instead how I can help the current society, community and country with my expertise or knowledge I that have. There is seriously a gap between researchers and the society. If only the community can know what are in the head of these scientists, and appreciate what have been working out, then participating in the conservation process may be feasible.

I saw this illustration about “Level of Community Engagement” today and I find it inspiring. It shows the whole process for empowering nation towards democracy from perspective of policy makers, and also to build a sustainable and responsible society.  

Inform -- Consult -- Involve -- Collaborate -- Empower                             [A. Ramachandra, 2013]

I always feel grateful to have such a place in Kuala Lumpur big cities, where I can enjoy the lush of greenery in pristine forest – FRIM. Undoubtedly, that is one of the reason for me to work here. Now FRIM is moving towards world heritage site, it is a high time that this site, should have more of its function in community and society, as a place not only for researchers, joggers, but a place people can enjoy relationship of human and nature. 

I am a forest researcher. But I really care less whether I am getting a PhD, or whether I have publish enough paper to survive. Not really my first intention. In fact, I am an expert of nothing. Yet I wish I can be the gap filler between the scientists/researchers and the community. So here I am, in the office of FRIM-World Heritage Site, handling the project of building a model for green community in FRIM. To go through the process of community engagement, this is what I do mainly, if you ask me.

Although now, I (we) are just at the starting point, to study what the others have done, regionally and internationally. For the long journey, wish I will not forget the simple role of myself, one of the puzzle pieces, to find peace within nature and inner self.  

A. Ramachandra et. al. (2014) Sustainance of Community Engagement – Is it a feasible feat?. Procedia - Social and Behavioral Sciences 129: 156 – 163.

此乃五蕴炽盛苦

最近工作上面对着一项新的挑战——没有安全感。在工作上自己是一个有效率的人。过去总能把许多的工作量完成。然而，如今的工作全部都在pending的阶段，我也『闲闲』的度过了应该有一个星期了。发现自己内心开始发慌、开始担心很多事情，却看不清楚自己可以做些什么。老板正处理着更紧急的事情。留下的我是不知所措，觉得没有东西能安定下来，心里着急，徘徊在过去未来间，非常不安。加上老板看着我『闲闲』状态的眼神，仿佛有一丝不悦，让我非常在意。只觉得在办公室里就是浑身不自在！

静下来之后才发现，我的着急，是因为我没有接受这些不安定的因素。心是不断的在处于“应该要怎样”的心态中，没有回到当下的因缘去看清楚，更别说去耕耘。

也发现自己非常在意老板的眼光。无意间自己总是先做出期盼。期盼不会被老板骂，期盼自己能被认同。甚至现在的努力，也期盼着老板的肯定。但是，期盼并不符合现实。但是为何自己会一再的去期盼这些事情呢？原来是因为内心的一种没有安全感。一直以来，我所认同的人生观是：人生是来奉献，来为这社会和世界做些利益大众/众生的事。我的观念中，是『要』去完成一些事，才算是不浪费生命。但是，当我『要』做的事没有办法在现实的因缘当中去做的时候，内心开始发慌。所以无意中，当我没有办法去肯定自己的时候，我开始期盼外来的肯定。

那么这个『要』做的事真的那么重要吗？其实反思后也发现，我只是在抓住一个理想/自己对这份工作的期盼/觉得应该要怎样才对。而这个理想是什么也许自己也说不清楚。为社会和世界做利益大众的事，也许回到现实因缘去耕耘会更踏实。

再者，最近思绪尤其乱。我不知道问题出在哪里。静下来后才发现原来忙碌中已在无意间压抑着一些情绪——悲伤的情绪。 而原来当我好好的让自己经历悲伤的情绪以后，混乱的思绪似乎变得清晰，就像下雨后晴朗的天空。

原来这一连串的『不自在』『烦躁』的身心感受，是一层又一层的累积下来的，相互的影响。若能透过一层一层的剖析，烦恼的源头在于我们根深蒂固的想法观念，与世间运作的方式/法则相违背。而在这匆匆生活之中，我们在还没有发现自己念头之前，已经做出了很多的行为反应。当行为反应与境互动，结果并非如想象/期待，就开始升起很多的烦恼。当情绪的现前，已经是一层又一层的烦恼累积。这过程中，其实要努力的重点在于：

1. 对世间运作的法则/佛法理性上的理解

2. 了解自己

了解自己这个部分很重要但也不简单。我们的念头太快，再还未察觉之前我们已经惯性的做出许多反应。所以理性上的知道，和身心能否与正确的观念相契，还需要一个了解自己的过程。如何了解自己呢？我们的心总是不断的往外看。所以对别人的习气总是一清二楚三厌恶。若能把这个往外看的心的专注力返回自己，就是觉照的第一步，觉照当下的身心反应，起心动念。觉照的力量就像是一个旁观者，安静的观察自己。但是这又很难做到，因为我们很难专注，心很散乱，心不由己。所以才有了禅修的方法。借助禅修的方法帮助我们把向外攀缘的心往内摄，帮助我们把心安住当下。

当能越来越快的察觉自己当下的念头，是否与世间运作相符合，再做出调整，便是往化解烦恼的方向迈进了。