Friday, October 21, 2016

Nature of life

I had a dream, which I always tell. In my journey to life, stepping into the world of grown up, I have lost a few times. 

Early of this year, I saw this painted picture. I stood in front of it and I cried.

Image result for 法鼓山 人间净土画
Dharma Drum Mountain, Taiwan. [人间净土]

Yesterday, I had a beautiful conversation between me as a Buddhist and my senior mentor as a Muslim. He told me, if we see the interconnectedness in all these, we will know the reason why we are doing. Though both of us do not used to convey religion practices in English, however I am the fastest to understand what he is trying to tell. He told me two values that are utmost important in life: “Kasih” dan “Sayang”. For me, that is compassion, which I can see from his sincerity and kindness. I know, we both have the same vision on this world.

Here, I sat and listened to the conservationist. I admire what they did. But sometimes, we put others as opposition.

I think anyone in this world can be a conservationist. Only if we started to see that the interconnectedness between human and the nature, and we are actually part of it, not the god of it; only if we started to realize the law of interdependence, that all beings are actually connected as one, compassion will arise and there will have the greatest power to change.

But why many doesn’t see the way I see? Why most of us doesn’t act the way we think? If we see careful enough, how many times that we are actually mindful of what we are doing? For say when we drink water, when we take shower, when we eat. Do we realize where does the water and food comes from, and feel a sense of gratitude? A lot of actions that we did, not only we are unconscious of it, but most of the time with greed, emotions and ignorance. We are used to driven by these forces that we are not aware of it. In the world of marketing, we succumb with materials and wealth and we are actually very used to it until it changes the values in life. “More is good” “Big is good” “Blond is good”. We thought that that is happiness that we search for. 

The world is getting complicated, and some says that the solutions too need to be comprehensive (complicated in other sense). For after all the thoughts, I still think that the solution can be as simple as to start in ourselves, to be peace in ourselves.

Why I care? I don’t really know why and when I had such a dream. Maybe it’s just like the others, a tendency of wanting happiness and peace. Only if we can be at peace with ourselves, we can be at peace with nature. Likewise, only we can starts to contemplate the true relationships with nature, we will find peace in ourselves.

Belum Rainforest Summit 2016


Thanks for bearing my poor English. I am just trying to practice my writing. 

Saturday, October 15, 2016

出三界



我想出三界吗?这是学佛五讲的其中一项功课。
 
第一个念头是:当然想啊!谁不想呢?

近三年的工作生涯中,心跟随着外境的改变而起起伏伏,内心苦吗?苦。但是奇怪的是,明明很想出三界,自己的作为有时候却沉溺在其中。想起在佛典中有一人在悬崖上享受蜂蜜的故事。我想自己就是那个人,在舔舐蜂蜜中忘了自己身在悬崖中,放纵自己在欲的享受中,不知道生命何去何从,也不觉重要。

我问自己,可以把心安住在工作上吗?
今年,我找到了一份新的工作,老板也很看好我,我很快就得到了升职和认同。对于现在工作所作的事,自己也觉得不错。别人听见我在那么美丽的环境工作,也投了羡慕的眼光。有很多个月,自己埋头苦干,认认真真的做,非常用心的学习和安排。觉得自己学习了很多,成长了很多,也自然有了一份成就感。那几个月的投入和认真,是从未有的用心和成就。然而,心中依然有一份患得患失的恐惧。我不知道什么时候老板会爆炸,我不知道什么时候政策又改变,面对下一秒的无常变化,我其实很窒息。有时候我会看着老板,想想我的未来。我很欣赏她的能干和使命,也很感恩她的鞭策指导。然而,纵使他的能干和成就,我觉得她依然和我一样,内心不快乐、不自由。

我问自己,可以把心安住在生活的追求吗?
生活的经济开始变好。开始可以准备买房子,买新衣、护肤品,好好的建设家庭与生活,就像其他人一样。看着ikea成列的家具,内心也会有想要有一个属于自己的家。我在想,这或许是生命可以努力的。虽然曾经心向往出家,但是现实中似乎我也可以安住在这样的生活。

最近友人让我做出生命的规划。我很惊讶的发现,我画不出来。纵使我在这份工作上的学习和成就,纵使我现在所拥有的"幸福",我迟疑了。我能规划的,是我在佛教界的奉献和修行。当我把已规划事情的钱放上去的时候,我的心沉了下来。这世界有多少的人是这样被所谓的现实(金钱)夺走了自由。我不能骗自己。

人生的意义是什么?
在做规划的时候,我说这份工作最多5年,我就会离开。其实心中感恩这份工作和老板给我的磨练机会。面对老板的取笑和打压,我除了能力上的反弹和倍增,也看到自己内心弹起来的情绪反应。这是很好的修行机会,我告诉自己。我就是要磨练自己能在外境打压和变化之下,能守住内心的平静和坚强。然而,在这一份工作中,我找不到我的人生意义。有时老板无意间会和我们聊起、甚至帮助我们规划我们的事业路。虽然依然很感恩,但内心却觉得这不是我想要的。我只是希望难得的人生一趟,要真的利益社会,利益这世界,才能不枉此行。如今却发现在政府的领域当中,我所做的并不能直接的帮助社会,帮助人心找到快乐。在这机制底下兜兜转转,钱完了,心力耗尽了,到人民的还有多少?

当一个人面对死亡的时候,这些还重要吗?
昨天和老板见一位公司指定的copywritter。过程中聊起了她最近在治疗自己的trauma。她年轻的时候曾经在crisis management team工作。当时一架飞机失事,她是救援队的其中一人。当时接近圣诞节,面对死亡,面对亡者的亲人痛楚,她历历在目。好多年后的今天,她依然很害怕做飞机,一坐上飞机的她便很痛苦。这让我很震撼。如果我经历她所经历,我是否也会和她一样恐惧害怕?

我再次问自己,此生难得来这世间,什么最重要?

修行和奉献,莫辜负此人身。
修行,修出离三界烦恼。
奉献,愿让更多人感受法的喜悦和成佛的可能。

对,我要出离三界。